Please Don't Take Your Organs To Heaven. Heaven Knows We Need Them Here.

I am so blessed that my Mom is an organ donor and gave me one of her kidneys. The wait list for a transplant is years. I was told that I would probably be on the transplant list for at least 3 years if I didn't have a living donor. That is for a kidney, there are people in need of a heart, a liver, lungs, tissue, bone marrow, and things I can't even think of right now.  All you have to do in order to be an organ donor is sign your driver's license. I don't understand why more people aren't organ donors. I know I can't be a living donor, but I am a donor according to my driver's license. I want them to use anything and everything I have when I die. It's a way for me to live on. I am one person, but let's just say that the doctor's are able to use my liver and my heart, I will be saving two lives not to mention countless family and friends who will have their Mom, Dad, Brother, Sister, Son, Daughter, Cousin, Aunt, Uncle, Niece, Nephew, best friend back. I mean what if my heart goes to the future President of The United States? What if I save the person who finds a cure for cancer? What if I save a child who, without my lungs, wouldn't of been able to graduate high school? You don't just give a future to one person. You give memories to mom and dads and families. You give someone their first loves. You give someone their best friend. You give someone and their family a wedding. You give someone and everyone around them, life. People are able to keep a little bit of their innocence because they will not know what it's like to lose a child, a parent, a family member, or someone they know sooner than they should.

I am so blessed because last year I thought every holiday and birthday of my children was the last one I would celebrate and because of my Mom, I have celebrated at least one more. We don't know what will happen tomorrow, that's in God's hands. But because of my Mom, I at least know I have a tomorrow until God calls me to go home.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Years

These past couple of weeks have been crazy busy for us. The kids have been home for Christmas break and I have enjoyed their company. We had a wonderful Christmas filled with family and love. Then the kids and I had a camp out in the living room on an air mattress for New Years. They fell asleep 10 or 15 minutes before midnight leaving me to ring in the New Year all by myself. And then I went to bed about 15 after midnight. I have a good feeling about this year and I am going to do all that I can to make sure that it's different than the years past. Last year, for Christmas Tim got me a ring. It was gorgeous, but needed to be sized and it came back looking funky. Soooo, the jeweler sized another one for me and it came back equally ugly. I'm all about 2nd chances, but after the 2nd ring came back in awful condition, I decided to not go with the ring after all. So this year, I made sure my present from Tim was a little more... ummmm, how you say... permanent. I got a tattoo on my left forearm. I already had stars placed up close to the bend of my arm and now in addition to my stars I have a gorgeous pink and purple swallow. It's very girly and beautiful. It is definitely me. But wait... we still aren't done... Monday, I go back to get a blue and green swallow with dog tags in it's beak on my upper arm, along with backgrounds for both birds and another star. Then I will have filigree and strands of pearls connecting the 2 birds with the stars in the middle (pictures will come when it is finished). I'm excited and scared at the same time. This tattoo will be a total of 6-7 hours of work. And though I have a high tolerance for pain, I'm a little surprised at myself that I'm voluntarily putting myself through pain. Of course it won't stop there because my end goal is to have a sleeve and I still have the elbow side of my arm to do. I asked my phlebotomist about the tattoos to make sure they wouldn't hinder her from taking blood and when she told me it wouldn't, she advised that I get whatever work done quickly. She said if I ever had to have a fistula put in, that I wouldn't be able to finish what I started. I'm at least 10 years away from needing dialysis again (hopefully I won't ever need dialysis again) but hey, we aren't guaranteed anything in life so I figured I would go ahead and do what I wanted as far as tattoos are concerned now. This is something I have always wanted and I'm out of my 20's and more sure of what I want for the rest of my life. This might be to my advantage... my kids saw how sore I was before it healed and they don't want one (yet) because "they use needles. And I don't like needles... needles hurt mama". They are 4 and 5 and who knows how they will feel when they are older, but at this moment I'm proud they aren't giving into "parent" pressure. Hopefully, when they get older, they won't give into peer pressure. One can hope right?

Days of Thanks

We see how long I kept up with the whole 365 Days of Thanks... a whole 41 days!! Go Me! Yeah, it wasn't working out like I thought it would. With 3 kids, a dog, a husband, and more sickness than I like to think about, I just couldn't do it. I am planning on blogging more, but I can't everyday even if I exclude weekends. I have a crazy busy life and if I were being honest, there are a lot of times I would turn on the computer to blog just to turn it off because I didn't feel like it. And let's face it, I don't really have any readers so this is for me and to make me happy and something for my kids to reflect on when they get older. I'm not disappointed in myself by any means. I tried and did good for 41 days and that's longer than I thought I would go. But now it's time for me to blog when I feel like it. Journal what I want when I want. That is all.

December 17, 2012

I'm an hour late for this post, but I've been late on a lot of posts, especially here lately. Anyhoo... tonight was the Christmas Program at Nate and Abbie's school. Nate didn't participate because he doesn't do well with loud noises. He seems to suffer from sensory overload, but we are still working with doctors for a behavioral diagnosis (that's another story). He sat with Anna in my lap and we watched as all the grades sang their Christmas song. Before the program started, all I could think about were the residents of Newton, CT. Specifically, Sandy Hook Elementary. How instead of attending the children's Christmas program, they are attending funerals. I thanked God for keeping our children safe. I prayed  for Newton, CT and Sandy Hook Elementary. I am thankful for these little moments and good times and candid pictures taken. Here is the picture of Abbie when she sees me in the crowd.

December 15 and 16, 2012

This weekend was busy busy. Saturday, Tim and I almost finished our Christmas shopping. I got Abbie some pretty, sparkly boots that she absolutely loves. I love seeing her face light up when she gets something she really likes and there isn't much she doesn't like. I had to give them to her because they matched her dress that she wore for church on Sunday. After Friday's tragedy, I was thankful for time. Time that I'm able to spend with my children. So many families want one more night with their kids and I have that.
Sunday we went to church for a Christmas program. I didn't realize they wouldn't have children's church so Abbie had to go with me to "big" church. She was impressive. She got a little antsy as most 4 years olds do especially when they are sitting in the same place for an hour. But I gave her a pen and a piece of paper and she kept herself entertained for a little while. It gave her break in the middle of the program. Nate and Anna stayed home. Nate didn't want to go which is o.k., I don't want to force him to go and make him hate when he gets older, although he will go when he gets older whether he wants to or not. And I'm still scared to take Anna out to public places... I got to thinking about it and the only place she really goes is to school. I'm just terrified of her getting sick and something happening to her. I almost lost her once and I don't want to go through that again. I am thankful for her health. She has had bronchitis once this season and she got  a few colds last winter, but other than that, she has been healthy.

December 14, 2012

Today a horrible tragedy occured. One that will change not only the lives of those involved, but the entire nation. A shooter entered an elementary school and killed at least 20 children and numerous adults and then killed himself. He was a coward that performed a cowardly act. I can't begin to express my anger over the entire situation, but mostly because he couldn't face what he did. If you can't face  the consequences due to your actions, than perhaps you shouldn't act. I believe there is a special place in hell where these kind of people will reside and I hope they are tortured and burn in the lake of fire. I feel for the friends and family of not only the victims, but for the murderer as well because they too, are victims. It's sad and senseless. But it's these times that make me appreciate having one more night with my children and family. It's these times that I'm thankful for my trials and tribulations, because I think the worst thing I could be put through is something of this magnitude. I would rather have a terminal illness than to lose my child. I am able to hug my children and kiss them and love them where there are at least 20 families tonight who would give anything to have one more night. I'm thankful for my one more night. My prayers, thoughts, and positive energy are in Newton, CT tonight with all the people effected. And I hope they know that the entire nation is behind them, mourning for their loss.

December 12 and 13, 2012

I'm still feeling pretty blah, so I am, again, consolidating 2 days into 1. Showers. I love showers. And you know how you want what you can't have? Yeah, I feel like that now. Due to my autonomic dysfunction, I have trouble maintaining my blood pressure, especially when I stand. My blood pressure drops drastically when I stand, so much so that I feel like I'm going to pass out. And do you know what that means? Yeah, it means a stinky, smelly Momma who wants a shower. I've stayed in bed for the most of the past 2 days... oh, who am I kidding... I've been in bed every day since Monday. And I have too much to do to stay in bed. I've got gifts to buy, gifts to make, babies to bathe, a house to clean, a body to clean, and the list goes on and on. Tim has been great, helping in every way he can, but he can't do it all... no matter how super he is. And the one thing I need and want he can't do. I want to shower. And I'm glad I have the option to shower whenever I want and hopefully I will tonight.