November 13, 2012

It's true. No need to be hateful or mean. Just say "bless your heart", smile, and people think you are being kind. But you know different (hehe). Today I am thankful that I was born in the south. There aren't many things that are better than being southern. We have the most beautiful landscaping. I love going through the country and seeing all shades of red and orange and yellow from the leaves turning during fall. It's beautiful. Our people might not be the smartest, but they are the kindest. I remember I got stuck in a ditch when I was a senior in high school out in Ledford's Mill. I would go there because it was secluded. It has an old run down bed and breakfast with a mill attached to the side, and I would go there to hike and think and take in the beautiful scenery. It would just be me and the woods and the nature made waterfalls. It was a place to go for me to reflect. On this particular day, I parked in front of a small drop off and as I was leaving, I forgot this bit of information and thought I could move forward and get back on the road versus backing up and going out the marked exit way. Well, I fell in this drop off. Cell phones weren't existent at this time in history and I went to walking the 5 miles to the main highway to flag someone down. But just as I set off on my journey, 2 BIG boys pull up in their pickup truck and helped. No questions ask, no money taken. They pulled my car out as if they were playing with matchbox cars. People genuinely care about each other. And everyone knows you, and if they don't know you, then they know your kinfolk. You feel the love everywhere you go. I don't care who you are and neither does my neighbor, you're welcome here no matter what.

November 12, 2012

Today I am thankful for fleece blankets. I stayed wrapped up in mine all day. My fleece blanket is kind and generous. It enveloped me in it's warmth when I needed and allowed me to kick and stretch it in order to get it off of me when I became too warm and never complained. It waits for me on the bed and doesn't get mad when I ignore it. It allows me to gather it and throw it and come back to it whenever it's convenient for me. It doesn't require me to feed it and give it anything to drink. It's doesn't require me to talk to it or show it any affection whatsover, although I do because I love it so. I love my fleece blanket.

November 10 and 11, 2012

My Dad's birthday was on Saturday and I'm very thankful for my Dad. He has taught me a lot of valuable lessons, but there are 2 that stick out. One... integrity. He defined integrity for me. Integrity is doing what you say you are going to. I don't remember a time my Dad saying he was going to do something and then not doing it. I remember there were times it was inconvienant, but he still did what he said he was going to do. I remember there was once it caused a fight between my Mom and Dad. It was the weekend of my brother's birthday and my Dad was scheduled to go to a horse show for business. My Mom, to the best of my memory, was upset and I think she wanted my Dad to tell his boss (my great Uncle) that he wasn't going to go, but my Dad went. He told my brother that he would make it up to him and gave me a kiss and told me bye. My Dad worked hard all my life to provide. He made a lot of sacrifices, missing events of mine and Bubba's, to work so that we had what we needed. Sometimes it was upsetting and I didn't understand, but now that I'm older, I understand it and I respect him even more for it. 

On Sunday, we went to my Dad's house to celebrate his and Anna's birthday. I'm scheduled for surgery on Wednesday and I'm not sure how I'm going to feel on the 18th which is Anna's birthday. So we decided to go there on Sunday and have cake. We also went over to our friend's, Amanda and Micah's. So I am thankful for family and friend's company. We had such a good time at both places. Laughing and playing and talking and having a wonderful time. It's days like yesterday that I wish I could put in a box and pull out on days like today where it's gloomy and rainy and I woke up feeling bad. It's the hope for days like yesterday that make days like today bearable and give me the knowledge that days like yesterday are not only a possibility, but are a definitely.

November 9, 2012

I have been debating on what I should write for what I am thankful for today and I decided that I am thankful that I am able to be thankful and write about it. I am thankful for my freedom and the people who fight for it. My brother especially. My brother joined the National Guard in January of this year for reasons I can't begin to understand, but I am proud of him nonetheless. He is my hero and my inspiration. If you don't know, for the past 6 years I have been incredibly sick. With different things... Diabetes. Pregnancies. Congestive heart failure. High blood pressure. End stage renal disease (kidney failure). Gastroparesis. Finally I had a kidney transplant and it was discovered that I have autonomic dysfunction which is a fancy schmancy word for nerve damage to the blood vessels and that causes orthostatic blood pressure (low blood pressure when you stand). I can't win for losing when it comes to the blood pressure battle. Anyway, I'm not writing to talk about what is wrong with me... I'm writing to say that through all of this, my brother went and accomplished something he has wanted to and that inspired me to pursue getting my manicurist license.

People say I have more than enough reason to feel sorry for myself, but if my brother can go and define bravery (refer to pic) then I can get up and finish what I started 2 years ago. And I did. With Bubba's encouragement, I studied my arse off and passed my theory and a month later, I passed my practical making me a licensed manicurist in the state of Tennessee. He has given me the strength to get up and live. He has shown me that to live in this great nation and feel sorry for myself is not only disrespectful to all the men and women who have given up so much so that they can fight for my freedom, but a waste of time. Time that so many who are far worse off than I am would give anything to have. So I live each day to the fullest. I may not spend my day skydiving or bungee jumping. Or traveling to far off lands. Or white water rafting, kayaking, or hiking the Grand Canyon, but I live it to the fullest for me. I get up and shower. I sweep the floors. I bake cookies for my children. I cut endless amounts of felt and glue my fingers together with hot glue to make my children a felt christmas tree and ornaments that they will be able to decorate as much as they want this season. I don't have any expectations of myself so the little things are HUGE accomplishments and while it is completely o.k.for me not to do anything, because let's face it, if you know me, you know going to the bathroom is an accomplishment for me, you also know, I'm not going to let me freedom go to waste because so many are fighting so that I can have it. I love my Bubba. He is my true hero and I'm honored that I call him my honest to God brother.

November 8, 2012

Another obvious... My children. I am thankful for my 3 beautiful and healthy kids. Nate, Abbie, and Anna J. I am thankful that I was healthy enough to bring them into this world and that I'm healthy enough to watch them grow everyday. Each birth was difficult and special. I felt like I was pregnant with Nate for forever when he was born and he was 8 weeks early. I remember I felt him kick for the first time the day after Thanksgiving. I was laying down on my belly with my hand comfortably placed in between my stomach and the bed. I was almost asleep when a felt this hard poke on my hand and I realized I had felt these "kicks" before, but not beyond my stomach. I flipped over, raised my shirt, and watched his hand or his foot or maybe his elbow move across my belly. It was the coolest thing I had ever experienced and couldn't wait for Tim to feel him kick. That's the only thing I miss about being pregnant.
The most memorable thing I remember about Abbie is my constant craving for all things strawberry flavored even though I hate strawberry flavored anything. I wanted strawberry milkshakes, strawberry icecream, strawberry lemonade, if strawberry could be added to it, then I wanted it. And my craving for banana laffytaffy. I couldn't get enough. I even had a friend who went to the lake for the weekend and the store near her carried banana laffytaffy and she bought me all they had and I ate it within a few minutes.
With Anna I knew she was going to be my last so I savored every moment, but the best were when I was home with Nate and Abbie. We would go outside and play and it was nice just us "4".
Now that they are growing and becoming little people with big personalities, I enjoy them even more. They love each other very much and get along. Nate loves to chase Anna and make her laugh. Abbie loves to play Dr. Abbie and make Nate and Anna's booboos all better. Anna loves to watch Nate and Abbie's eyes light up when she says their names. They are so much fun and I'm proud that God saw fit that they call me Mom.

November 7, 2012

Today is the first day of my 365 days of Thanks... I'm going to start it by stating the obvious. I am thankful for my husband, Tim McKee. I realized how thankful I was last night. It was one of the worst nights I have experienced in a long time... I wasn't feeling well and Abbie actually brought me her pillow pet and a blanket, covered me up and sang Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star to put me to sleep. It worked, I fell asleep before the kids did. I woke up later and needed to use the bathroom, but I couldn't sit up without feeling like I was going to pass out (thank you orthostatic blood pressure) I started crying because I felt so helpless and Tim came to me rescue. Before I knew it, I was in his arms. He was carrying me into the bedroom where I would have easier access to the bathroom. I made it to the bathroom, but I passed out and fell to the floor. Tim picked me up again and put me on the bed. I came to in time to through up and Tim was right beside me with the trash can. I was spent. I could barely move a muscle and Tim continued. He undressed me and dressed me in my pajamas without missing a beat. He is so wonderful knowing every move I'm going to make before I make it. 

I firmly believe that anyone else would have left me a long time ago. A lot of people don't know how to handle someone being as sick as I am, but he has been beside me every step of the way. He has taken every diagnosis and prognosis in stride, finding humor and helping me cope with all that has been thrown at me. He has taken the role of single father at times and has done great in that role. I love him to the moon and back.

After Transplant

My transplant was 10 days ago and I have felt great ever since. I was nervous the day before and cried at everything. Nate gave me a hug at one point and told me that he loved me and I started squalling. It was like that all. day. long. I spent the night with my Mom that night and we rode to the hospital together. I wanted to spend time with her too because we didn't know what would happen. I was torn about what to do and who to spend time with. So I made the best out of the weekend, I lounged around the house with Nate, Abbie, and Anna. We watched movies and did nothing. It was perfect. On the Sunday before, my mom kept the kids. She wanted to spend time with them before the surgery as well. Tim and I went out to eat and spent some time together. Then Monday was just a lazy day. Abbie went to school, Anna and Nate stayed home with me and then we all loaded in the van and went to my Mom's where I said "goodbye" to them and tried to get some sleep. Marlee kept Anna over night and then Nate and Abbie spent the day with their friends, Hayden and Logen. Tim was going to take them over there about 6am Tuesday morning and then head to the hospital.

We arrived at the hospital at 5am and waited for about 30 minutes and then we were taken to the surgical floor where we began prepping for surgery. We were put in the same room and changed into our fashionable hospital gowns and given an IV. I was anxious, I wanted to get it over with. I was ready. It was time and whatever was going to happen, was going to happen. There wasn't anything I could do to change anything at that point. My Mom was scared, nervous, and anxious as well. I was scared for her. There were a lot of mixed emotions. We were both scared for each other, but at the same time, I knew she wouldn't have it any other way. Her surgery was to start at 7:30am and mine was to start at 9:30am. She said goodbye to me and they wheeled her away. I took a deep breath and silently prayed for God to take care of her and keep her safe.

My dad was the first to arrive as far as visitors. He got there about 6:30am and was brought on back to me. I was glad he was there. Tim had texted me and said he was on the way at that point, but he didn't get there til about 7:45am. My Dad held my hand while they put the IV in my hand. He talked to me and tried to get my mind off the pain and oh. my. was there pain. That was the worst part of the whole thing. My Step-Mom came in after that. Then Tim and Emily showed up. I was so glad to see my loving family. I didn't cry at all, I was ready. I had done all my crying the day before and now it was time for positive energy. At 9:30am, on the dot, nurses and doctors came in and gave me anesthesia and I said "goodbye" to them. Gave them all hugs and told them I would see them in a little while. They wheeled me out to the hallway, I told the anesthesiologist that I thought the medicine was working and that's all I remember. I woke up at 2:30pm feeling awesome. I hadn't felt that good since before Nate was born. It was amazing.

Tim was there and I was beaming. I was awake. And I was in too much pain for it to be heaven so I knew I survived. I asked about my Mom and they pulled back our curtains and she was asleep. The nurse told me that she was brought back at about 12:00pm and I was brought back at about 12:30pm. The surgery was successful. They told me that the kidney started working immediately. PRAISE JESUS! I was ecstatic. and hungry. Tim stayed with me for a little while and then he had to go and pick up Nate and Abbie. Anna stayed with Marlee until Wednesday afternoon. My Dad came in when he left and talked with me for awhile. And then Emily came back. Emily went and talked with my Mom for a minute. My aunt and uncle (my Mom's brother and sister) came in to see her. The only thing we were waiting on was a room. It was about 4:30pm and I was hungry so my nurse told me he would order a tray or that I could have one of my family members go get me something so Emily took off to Subway. While she went to get me something to eat, my Dad came back again. He stayed with me until she came back. All the nurses were walking by and staring at me and I figured it was because they were hungry and here I was eating Subway in front of them. I felt bad and put it away until my nurse explained to me that they were staring because they've never seen a patient eat anything a couple of hours after surgery.  They were staring because they were in shock. But I was hungry and I wanted to eat so I did. My Step-Mom stayed in the waiting area until I was taken to my room. I got my room and everyone stayed for a little while longer and then left. I was o.k. with that. I was really tired and wanted to get some sleep.

It was an hour after they left when my cousin Jason arrived. I haven't talked to him in a year or so and I was so very happy to see him. I felt the love that had being pouring out all day long. Not just from Jason, but from everyone... family, friends, strangers, facebook peeps, everyone. I could feel God's presence and it was amazing. God has truly blessed me and I give him all the praise. I thank him everyday for an amazing angel that I call "Momma". For 3 beautiful children. For my blessed life. My testimony is so strong and I don't know how you can know me and my family and not believe in a bigger being than yourself. I have always said that my children are miracles, but looking at it, so am I.