Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Anna's neighbor in the NICU was recently moved to the step down area of the NICU. He was 9 days older than Anna, but they were born at the same weight and length. I try not to be nosy in the NICU and stare or even read the basic information posted about the baby, but he was across from her for almost 2 months and it became hard not to become attached to him since I saw him everytime I went to see Anna. I would walk by his incubator and tell him "hi", even though he's a baby and doesn't know any better, it was important to me. I would look at his stats and his vapotherm level and would say to myself, "so that's where Anna should be in 9 days". They were neck in neck in stats, vapotherm, and size. And often, Anna's nurse would also be this little boy's nurse. I noticed on Saturday that he wasn't there. I knew that meant he had gotten big enough to be moved to the step down area. The step down area is the area of the NICU that babies are moved to when they weigh 1800 grams (approx. 3lbs 8oz) and can hold their body temperature better. They are placed in a heated open crib rather than the incubator. I was happy for him and his family, but a little sad that he had already moved up and my Anna was still in the back of the NICU with the most critical of babies. But it gave me hope, I thought "so Anna should be moved to the step down area in 9 days".
But imagine my shock when I call today, only 3 days since the little boy was moved, and found out that Anna has been moved to the step down area. THANK YOU LORD! GOD IS GOOD!!! She is right at 3lbs 8oz and more than that, her nurse gave her a bottle last night and Anna took it like a champ. Her morning nurse gave her one this morning and she did well with it, but was struggling in the end. Definitely a step in the right direction though. Her vapotherm is set at 2 liters 23%. They are exercising her lungs by allowing her to breathe room air for a few minutes at a time and then putting her back on the vapotherm. Anna is going to be home before we know it and I'm so excited. I'm so proud of my little fighter and I thank God for showing me miracles through my baby girl every day.
Thank you for praying for her and loving her. Please continue to pray for her healing. My 3 babies are truly miracles from God and I'm thankful everyday for them. And I'm thankful for all of my friends and family who have shown love and support and continue to pray for us. God Bless You All!!!
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
I wish I had an update on Anna, but I don't. Things are still the same with her. She has gained some weight, she's up to 2lbs 12oz. But we are waiting on her organs to mature a bit more before we try anything new. I'm o.k. with that as long as I can bring her home... eventually. I hate to admit it, but the longer she's in the hospital, the more she feels like a figment of my imagination. I know she's real, but when I go see her it's like I'm visiting someone else's baby. And I feel like I've dreamed her up when I'm at home. It breaks my heart when reality sets in. And then guilt sets in. I know she's real, I remember the pain all too well... but I'm scared that the time apart is going to make it hard for us to bond. I feel so distant and I don't know how it's going to be when she finally gets home. I'm terrified that I'm going to feel like I'm babysitting rather than taking care of my own child.