Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Update on Anna 47 Days Old
I wish I had an update on Anna, but I don't. Things are still the same with her. She has gained some weight, she's up to 2lbs 12oz. But we are waiting on her organs to mature a bit more before we try anything new. I'm o.k. with that as long as I can bring her home... eventually. I hate to admit it, but the longer she's in the hospital, the more she feels like a figment of my imagination. I know she's real, but when I go see her it's like I'm visiting someone else's baby. And I feel like I've dreamed her up when I'm at home. It breaks my heart when reality sets in. And then guilt sets in. I know she's real, I remember the pain all too well... but I'm scared that the time apart is going to make it hard for us to bond. I feel so distant and I don't know how it's going to be when she finally gets home. I'm terrified that I'm going to feel like I'm babysitting rather than taking care of my own child.