Doctor's Appointment

So in my previous blog, I mentioned that Nate, Abbie, and Tim went with me to my doctor's appointment after all . However, they didn't go back with me. Tim had to take them out to the elevators and walk with them because of how restless they were. They first performed the ultrasound to measure growth, I mentioned to the technician that it was my birthday and asked if she would look to find out the gender. Of course she was more than happy to oblige my request, I love my doctor and the entire practice. They are awesome. So she measured the growth and the baby is growing like she should. That's right... she. IT'S A GIRL. I'm so excited. Besides the fact that we still have all of Abbie's baby clothes, it's confirmation that I've been right about the gender of all my babies. Her name? Annalise Jane. Ann is Tim's mom's middle name and Jane is my mom's middle name and now one of our children will have a family name. I couldn't stop smiling after that and then, while I was waiting to be taken back to an exam room, I heard the woman in the room next to where I was sitting. She was sobbing. Dr. Love walked out alongside another person whom I didn't recognize and they looked indifferent. I realized they were showing their "game" faces. And the woman had obviously had a not so happy ultrasound and I was suddenly overridden with guilt and gratefulness. I said a prayer and shed a couple of tears for the young woman crying in the next room. I pray for her every night. I don't know her name, I don't know what the doctor found or what she was told. I just know that those were not tears of joy she was pouring. I pray that God comfort her and her family. That he wrap his arms around her and hold her. I know what it's like not getting good news. I know what it's like to have worse case scenario come into play. And I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy much less a stranger.

I am very blessed to have a healthy and active baby in my belly. And I love her although I've never met her. And I feel very blessed to have her. I have a bond with her that I didn't have with Nate and Abbie. I didn't bond with Nate until he was born. It was so hard to carry him that I separated myself from him until I saw him. Abbie... I don't remember my pregnancy with Abbie, but I know I didn't feel this strongly about her like I do now with Anna. I think it mostly, if not completely, has to do with the last pregnancy. I thought Nate and Abbie were going to be my only babies. I thought I wouldn't be able to have anymore babies whatsoever because of how the last pregnancy played out. It goes to show you that miracles can and do happen. Nate and Abbie are definitely miracles. Both being happy and healthy preemies. I love love love Nate, Abbie, and Anna more than words can say.

Venting

Which is exactly what I'm going to do. My birthday was Wednesday and it was a complete disaster from the get go. And it seems that it wasn't just a bad day, but it has leaked and turned into a bad week as well. I had an appointment with Dr. Love on my birthday at 10am. I wasn't upset about it because of how early it was and the fact that I had an ultrasound scheduled and we would be able to tell if the baby was a girl or a boy. Tim took the day off, but had to go to work for a meeting early in the morning. Although I wasn't pleased with this, it was fine since the meeting was at 6:30 in the morning. He was going to meet me at my mother's house and watch the kids so I could go to my doctor's appointment without distraction. It would've been great if it was that easy, but of course it wasn't going to be. I got up and got the kids dressed and in the car and we set en-route to "Grann's" house right on time. My mother lives and Tim works in Murfreesboro which is 30 minutes from where I live, but it's on the way to Nashville so it wasn't a big deal to go there. I got a call when I was 10 minutes away from my Grann's house from Tim telling me that I have to turn around and go back home to get some paperwork he had forgotten. I can't tell you how mad I was and how much I "voiced" my unhappiness. See, now I don't have time to take the kids to my mother's because even though she lives in the town in between where I live and Nashville, it's on the otherside of where I have to be in order to get to Nashville. So that threw a huge wrench in my plans for the day. Not to mention that I was unable to stop at Starbucks which was in my timeline for the morning. I ended up giving Tim his paperwork and then he ended up going with me to the appointment so that he could watch the kids while I went to the doctor. I have to say that I was reluctant to the idea of spending any time with Tim on this day after that morning. I'm glad he went with me now. The appointment lasted 2 hours because of the ultrasound and the fact that all doctor's run late and are never on time. He endured the screaming and fussing while waiting instead of me. He also kept them out of the office all together because of their unhappiness and frustration of waiting. Nate is 3 and Abbie is 2... they don't understand the reasons of waiting. They want everything NOW.  So they were ready to leave after 15 minutes.

So we leave the appointment (the appointment and ultrasound info will be in another post). And we are now on our way to Grann's so she can watch the babies and Tim and I can go eat for my birthday when the car breaks down. We have been leaking antifreeze so Tim puts more in the tank and we leave. When we get to Grann's, the car still isn't working properly. I take the babies into the air-conditioned house and I leave Tim to worry about the car. He calls a couple of people. One says is sounds like head gasket the other says possible thermostat problem. Tim thinks it more of a thermostat issue and does what the guy told him to do under the hood and we leave to go eat at a Hibachi grill. Yummy food, but I wish I could have had sushi. I loooooove sushi, but I'll wait and load up once the baby is born. We leave and the car stalls in the middle of a busy street in a college town during rush hour. Tim was able to drive it at 5mph to a gas station. I then sit in the car while he calls more people. It ends up that the dealership where we bought the car towed it back to their shop, my brother's girlfriend (Sissy) picks me up and takes me to Grann's, and my brother (Bubba) picks Tim up after the car was towed and we all meet at Grann's for birthday cake. Yeah, Happy Birthday to me!

It seems that it is the head gasket and the dealership says that the car is under warranty but we have to have all the service records for the car. Well, we don't have that since we bought the car used. The dealership says they will fix it, but it will cost us. I have had this car for less than 90 days and have put less than 5000 miles on it. I have paid to have it's fluids changed. I even put gas in it before bought it because it was sitting on empty and I needed to test drive it. (they were supposed to reimburse me for it, but never did). And more than that, we have to find someway to get it from Nashville to Shelbyville so that we can even get it fixed. They won't tow it back to Murfreesboro where they picked it up from. I don't know what I'm going to do. All these doctor's appointments and now I don't have a car? FML

This Past Week

I absolutely love my doctor. Have I mentioned that?? I talked to him about the anxiety I was having and he performed an ultrasound to ease my mind. I wasn't scheduled for one, but his doppler to hear the baby's heartbeat went "missing" so an ultrasound was necessary to find out how fast it was beating. It was a pretty uneventful doctor's appointment and I wish I could say that was the last time I saw him... but it wasn't. On Thursday, hyperemesis reared it's ugly head and by Saturday I was in the hospital hooked up to an i.v. receiving fluids, phenagrin, zofran, and a medicine that seems to be helping with nausea and vomiting called Remeron. I had to be transported by ambulance because of how severe I had let it get, but I try everything I have at home and come close to death before allowing anyone to take me to a hospital. Stupid? Maybe... but I hate hospitals and pray as hard as I can for God to stop it before allowing a doctor to come near me.

I went to Baptist since that's where Dr. Love is based out of and he thinks that I need the level of care Baptist Hospital has to offer. MTMC is a good hospital, but it doesn't have as high of level of care I seem to need. The plus side?? I was placed on the antipartum floor which is also the NICU floor. They were in the middle of reconstruction when I was pregnant with Baby Boo and now seem to be finished and it has completely changed. It's completely sealed off except for the admitting area which also has an access door to the 3rd floor parking garage of the hospital. And when I say sealed off, I mean if you turn left which takes you to the NICU, you run into a door with an intercom system and you have to buzz in and let a nurse let you in. If you don't have a bracelet on to show, you can't go any further. They even have special bracelets for visitors to wear. From what I know, when you go in to have a baby... The mother and father are given a certain number of bracelets for visitors for their baby. Mother and father have hospital bracelets. If you haven't been given one of those visitor bracelets or aren't with the mother or father, you can't visit. Now, if you go to the right of the admitting area, you run into another door you have to buzz that leads you to the antipartum part. Which is the part of the floor that houses pregnant women who need medical attention. Not as restrictive as the NICU, but still a restricted area. 

One of my fears when I had Nate was that he would be taken and I was comforted by the measures the hospital took to make sure that didn't happen. Now it's impressive. 

Tim came and saw me on Sunday and took me down to the gift shop so I could buy a magazine, but also so that I could see a set of 4 walls that weren't my room. Two older ladies came in the gift shop while I was reading the tabloids and asked about where the NICU was. Tim told them about the restrictive measures and they were upset that you couldn't look "in the window" (as one of them put it). This made me a little more than upset. NO there are no windows. NICU is for preemie and less than healthy babies. You don't see 2lb babies on the street do you? NO. I have also never seen a baby outside the NICU with a ventilator or hooked up to a ton of tubes. And there is a reason for that... you aren't supposed to see it. I expressed my more than upset attitude once these ladies were out of earshot. I knew they were probably unexperienced in the sick baby category, but nonetheless.. I'm 4 months pregnant, in the hospital away from my babies and therefore extremely emotional and expressive, so I had Tim buy me my magazine and take me back to my room and I took a nap.

I have accepted that my baby, regardless of gestational age when it's born, is going to be a NICU baby. I'm diabetic and it is what it is. But I pray, every night and day, that Dr. Love gets me to 34 weeks gestational so that I can take Baby McKee #3 home the same day I'm discharged. 

Anyway... I came home on Monday and everything has been "normal" since. I have another doctors appointment on Wednesday which is also my birthday. I'm having an ultrasound for growth, but I'm hoping they will try and find out if the baby is a girl or a boy since it is my birthday. 

Anxiety

I have a doctors appointment today. Nothing major, just my biweekly check-in with Dr. Love. Like anyone, I don't particularly care for doctors. But I'm especially anxious today and I'm not sure why. I feel very nervous and I can't stop shaking. I feel as though I'm about to sing in front of a huge crowd. Maybe it's the drive to nashville I fear. I hate driving in nashville, but I've done it a thousand times. I don't know what this nervousness is about, but I hope I am making a mountain out of a molehill.