Monday, September 20, 2010

Doctor's Appointment

So in my previous blog, I mentioned that Nate, Abbie, and Tim went with me to my doctor's appointment after all . However, they didn't go back with me. Tim had to take them out to the elevators and walk with them because of how restless they were. They first performed the ultrasound to measure growth, I mentioned to the technician that it was my birthday and asked if she would look to find out the gender. Of course she was more than happy to oblige my request, I love my doctor and the entire practice. They are awesome. So she measured the growth and the baby is growing like she should. That's right... she. IT'S A GIRL. I'm so excited. Besides the fact that we still have all of Abbie's baby clothes, it's confirmation that I've been right about the gender of all my babies. Her name? Annalise Jane. Ann is Tim's mom's middle name and Jane is my mom's middle name and now one of our children will have a family name. I couldn't stop smiling after that and then, while I was waiting to be taken back to an exam room, I heard the woman in the room next to where I was sitting. She was sobbing. Dr. Love walked out alongside another person whom I didn't recognize and they looked indifferent. I realized they were showing their "game" faces. And the woman had obviously had a not so happy ultrasound and I was suddenly overridden with guilt and gratefulness. I said a prayer and shed a couple of tears for the young woman crying in the next room. I pray for her every night. I don't know her name, I don't know what the doctor found or what she was told. I just know that those were not tears of joy she was pouring. I pray that God comfort her and her family. That he wrap his arms around her and hold her. I know what it's like not getting good news. I know what it's like to have worse case scenario come into play. And I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy much less a stranger.

I am very blessed to have a healthy and active baby in my belly. And I love her although I've never met her. And I feel very blessed to have her. I have a bond with her that I didn't have with Nate and Abbie. I didn't bond with Nate until he was born. It was so hard to carry him that I separated myself from him until I saw him. Abbie... I don't remember my pregnancy with Abbie, but I know I didn't feel this strongly about her like I do now with Anna. I think it mostly, if not completely, has to do with the last pregnancy. I thought Nate and Abbie were going to be my only babies. I thought I wouldn't be able to have anymore babies whatsoever because of how the last pregnancy played out. It goes to show you that miracles can and do happen. Nate and Abbie are definitely miracles. Both being happy and healthy preemies. I love love love Nate, Abbie, and Anna more than words can say.

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