Good Times. Good Times.

My birthday is in September and when I turned 16 my parents bought me a Mustang. I was one lucky teenage girl. However, I think they bought it to torture me because even though I was 16, I didn’t have my license nor would they allow me to get my license until I completed the driver’s ed course. Who knew the course had a waiting list and I wouldn’t be able to take it until the following summer. The school year had just started weeks before and I was going to have to wait until it ended to take the course and then I was going back to school (in the summer!) OMG… I was going to be 17 before I got my license? AGONY! Thank God my best friend, Lindsey, had her license. My parents agreed that she could drive my car since she didn’t have one. Finally, freedom…. somewhat.

This arrangement worked most of the time, but every now and then I wanted to drive my car and Lindsey had had her license almost an entire year before I got my car… who better to teach me to drive. She would let me drive backroads most of the time, but I did drive in the city some too. I remember learning about red lights. I was in the turn lane waiting for the green arrow. It turned green and so I started to turn, but then I looked above me and saw another red light (the one telling the opposite direction to stop) and so I stopped. Lindsey freaked out a little bit. No more than anyone else who had just witnessed a moving car stop abruptly in the middle of an intersection and I told her about the red light and she explained that it was for the opposite direction (DUH Traci) and so I went on. I’m so glad I made that mistake with her and not with my soon to be driver’s ed classmates. They wouldn’t have been so nice about it.

One of the Firsts…

I remember when I pregnant with Nate and I first felt him kick. It was the day after Thanksgiving in 2006. I was taking a nap, laying down on my stomach with my hands underneath my stomach. I woke up and was laying there trying to remember the dream I just had when I felt a nudge on my hand. It frightened me so I rolled over and realized I had just felt my baby kick. I raised my shirt over my stomach and stared hard at it and not only did I feel him kick, I saw it too. I saw either his foot or his hand poke up. It was the weirdest thing, but it made my pregnancy real. I mean I knew I was pregnant, but it made me realize how serious the pregnancy was. Even though I knew there was a tiny person living inside me a light bulb went off and I realized that within 5 months I was going to meet the beautiful creature that not only made me sicker than a demon possessed human, but my baby. After that day, I was obsessed with everyone feeling him kick. A lot of women don’t want you to touch there belly when they are pregnant… I was the opposite. I wanted to be approached by strangers so they could feel my son kick. I loved sitting on the couch with my shirt raised above my belly and have everyone around me see him move. I was a proud mama from the get go. God Bless You!

I Believe in Angels…

Abbie was a few months old. She had been fussy that night and I was trying to soothe her. We both fell asleep, Abbie was on my chest and I was streched out on the couch. I remember waking up and feeling awful. My sugar was dropping by the minute and I was so weak I couldn’t yell for Tim to help me. I don’t remember a lot, but I remember holding onto Abbie and then passing out. I woke up to paramedics, they had put medicine through an IV to bring my sugar up. My sugar had gotten so low that I had a seizure and Tim woke up because of the loud crash I made when I fell to the floor. All I kept thinking is that I hurt Abbie. That’s why Tim called 911. I hurt Abbie. Apparently I was saying my thoughts out loud and Tim was baffled. He wanted to know what I was talking about. He said, “Traci… You put Abbie in her swing. She was in her swing when I found you?”. The swing was about 10 feet away from the couch. The last thing I remember was holding Abbie close to my chest and wanting to yell for Tim to get her and help me, but not being able to. There was only one explanation… Angels. There had to be at least one angel to pick her up and put her there before I started seizing otherwise I would have surely hurt her when I fell. I know I didn’t do it. I couldn’t yell for help much less pick up Abbie and carry her 10 feet to her swing. I believe angels are all around us and I’m thankful that angels were there to protect her that night and to protect all three of my children of every minute of every day. God Bless You.

Ready to Update.

I know it’s been a while since I’ve posted. I hope to change that soon. There hasn’t been much to update. Anna is doing extremely well. She is such a happy baby. She smiles at everyone and I love it. Abbie turned 3 in June and we had a birthday party for her at Chuck E Cheese. She loved it. Nate starts school next week. Pre-K, but he will be going full time. He is such a big boy, it feels like it was only yesterday I was having his first birthday party at our house. And since then he has had 3 more birthday parties, Abbie was born and has had 3 of her own parties, and of course Anna was born and will be having her 1st birthday party in a little over 3 months. Where does the time go?

The reason why it’s been so hard to blog is because of my health. Since I blogged last, I was diagnosed with End Stage Renal Failure (ESRF) and I have been placed on dialysis. I had surgery at the end of June for my access point. On July 5th, I started dialysis. I first went to a clinic for the treatments and while doing them I was also being trained to do them at home. And now I’m completely on my own. I see my kidney doc once a week to make sure everything is working as it should. I feel a lot better and have more energy than I did before. It’s amazing how well I’m doing. I didn’t realize how bad I felt until I started feeling better. I was talking to my mom one day after a long day of treatments that I felt like I had drank 10 espresso shots. I was wired and full of energy and even after coming home and cleaning, I still was ready to go. It was a great but short lived feeling. I have had ups and downs and 3 hospitalizations since that day, but I stay positive and thank God for everyday that I have.

If you still check to see if I update my blog, thank you. And upon reading this… please continue to pray for my family. God Bless You!

Time flies by…

I didn’t realize it’s been over a month since I updated about Anna or my family, things have been hectic with Anna now home and new discoveries regarding my health.

Anna is doing wonderful. She now weighs 8lbs 9oz and is 21in long. I knew she was getting big, but she was only 7lbs and a few ounces last time she was weighed a couple of weeks ago and now she is almost 9lbs. I’m going to look into getting her ears pierced when she reaches 10lbs, but looking at her lobes now I may wait. They are small I want the expert to have more lobe to work with.  We had to have Abbie’s pierced twice because the technician went in crooked on one of her ears. At that time I talked to the manager and we both agreed that it was due to a couple of reasons. 1. Abbie was so small, it might’ve been hard for the tech to get a good hold on to put the earring in straight. 2. Come to find out, the technician was new and probably nervous. 3. She was a baby, and no one wants to hurt a baby. This time, I’m going to let her get a bit bigger than her sister was and request the technician that has been piercing ears longer, pierce her ears.

I was admitted to the hospital… again… a couple of weeks ago. I was having a heart time breathing and had felt very fatigued for a week before. Bubba and Sissy took the kids that weekend and I decided to go on to the hospital and hope it was a quick fix. Hope being the key word. It was revealed that I have chronic congestive heart failure, which we knew I had chf, we just didn’t realize it was chronic. Of course, my blood pressure was high. I was short of breath due to pneumonia, the doctors gave me iv antibotics to ward it off. A nephrologist (kidney doctor) was called since I have Diabetes and other pre-existing conditions. He told me that my creatine level was 2.7 which is bad apparently. He said that I only have 20% kidney function. Kidney failure is 10% or less of your kidney function and you are put on dialysis. And as soon as I get some insurance issues resolved, I will be put on the pancreas/kidney transplant list. It can take 2 – 4 years before a donor can be found, but hopefully I can retain the function I have and maybe not have to reach dialysis before a match can be found. 

It’s quite scary. My energy level on a scale of 1-10 is probably a 2. And that’s not convenient with 3 kids. I give them all I have though. I try to ask as if nothing is wrong, but children know. They are smarter than people think, and I don’t try to underestimate their knowledge. Nate will ask Tim, “is mommie sick?” when I go lay down to take a nap. “No, she’s not sick. Mommie is just tired.”, Tim will reply. And then Nate, with nothing but hope in his voice, hoping he can make Mommie all better, will ask “her need Dr. Pepper? Dr. Pepper make it all better?”. I will usually interject then and tell him, “yes. Dr. Pepper will make me feel all better. Can you help Daddy make me some?”. “Yeah! Come on Daddy!”, he will exclaim. Then they will go to the kitchen and fix me a glass of Diet Dr. P and Nate will carefully and gently bring it to the bed and say, “here Momma”, of course I take a drink and tell him that it made me feel better and I’ll ask him if I can take a nap. He’ll say, “yeah momma, you take nap,” he’ll gently close the door and tell everyone in the living room to “shhhhh, momma seepin”. He is such a sweet boy. Abbie is just as sweet. She will cuddle with me if I’m not feeling good. The couch is my friend and she will be playing, laughing, and bouncing around from room to room, when all of a sudden you realize it’s quiet. I will look in the direction of her room and I see her gigantic eyes peering over the arm of the couch at me. I ask her if she wants to sit with Mommie and she’ll hurry over and climb on the couch and sit beside me for what seems like hours but usually is 20 – 30 minutes.

These are the moments I cherish. This is the reason I blog. I want them to know how much I loved them after I’m gone. I want them to know that it’s the simple things they do that make me happy. They don’t have to be the best at anything to make me proud, they just have to be themselves.

Harder Than I Thought It Would Be…

Blogging that is. The time I do have to blog is when I typically sleep. I love having Anna home. She's growing so much and getting bigger everyday. She is such a joy, Nate and Abbie love having her home. Abbie has named her baby dolls 'Anna'. Nate even went to bed with one of the Anna's tonight. It was real sweet. He had been carrying her around and even asked me to get her blanket earlier because she was cold. He is very loving and nurturing. Abbie is loving, but only when she wants to be. She isn't ever mean though, just indifferent. Tonight we were in the car and Anna started coughing and in a very urgent voice asked, "Anna, you ok? You ok Anna?". She sounded very concerned. Nate holds Anna's hand whenever we are in the car and if we forget to uncover her when we get into the car, he does it. He wants to see her face to make sure she's fine. It's really sweet the way they love on her. This morning I was going to put Anna in her swing and Abbie climbed into it, that did not make Nate happy. He stood up for his baby sister and told Abbie, "get up! That Anna swing! GET UP ABBIE! THAT ANNA'S!" He was sincerely upset that Abbie had taken something from her. He then brought me her bouncy seat and said, "here Anna, you sit here. I play music." (it has a music maker on it). This is only a taste of our everyday life.
As far as Anna's health, well... She's doing really well, but isn't gaining weight as fast as the doctor would like. Abbie had a hard time gaining weight as well and with that we will be having weekly weight checks with Dr. Mag. She had her eyes checked by a specialist at Centennial hospital last week and he said that her retinas looked good and that he would send over his report to Dr. Mag and she would watch for common problems amongst preemies such as crosseyes and then refer me to someone if need be. So it's all in Dr. Mag's hands now. She doesn't sleep through the night, but what newborn does? She does sleep a great deal though. We have to wake her up to feed her, but in the middle of the night is when she wants to be awake and squirm. I find myself laying her down on my chest after I have fed and changed her during the night in order to get some kind of rest. Otherwise, she's grunting and "talking" and getting herself tangled up in blankets which makes her cry. 
In family news... We are moving to Woodbury. Middle of nowhere town, but where my best friend and biggest supporter lives, Emily. We are also closer to family now as well. Moving is a hassle and we don’t anticipate moving for an extremely long time if ever again. Sissy and GaGa (Sissy’s mom) are going to keep the kids for us while we move which is a huge help. We’ve gotten a lot of help which I am thankful for and hopefully we can get all of our furniture and stuff moved in one trip. My mom is coming over on Saturday to help me decorate which excites me. She is the best decorator I know. She should do it professionally to be honest. She has an eye for it so I’m grateful to have her help. Abbie and Anna’s room is extremely girly. I have bought all fairytale pieces. I bought hangings for above their beds. One says ‘the princess sleeps here’ and the other says ‘little princess’. Poor Anna doesn’t get a choice of which one she likes, she gets the one Abbie didn’t like as much. Abbie also picked out her bedding and it is too sweet. It has a castle on it and fits in perfectly with the theme.
Nate is just glad to have his own room. He’s not really into the decorating, he just wants his ‘video games’. So his room is all boy. Going to get wall decals with cars and trucks to make it more his own. Abbie and Nate have shared a room since Abbie’s been born and we decorated neutral with Sesame Street theme, but this time they are able to pick out the décor for their rooms. Abbie got into it wanting everything pink and purple with princesses, castles, flowers, and butterflies. Nate, as I said, was ‘eh. whatever.’ They love the house and are ready to move their toys over. I’m ready to move furniture in just to absorb the noise. Everything echoes and I talk loud anyway and you add tv and kids to that and you have a hot mess.
I want to thank everyone who continues to pray for Anna. Physically, she is doing very well. It’s too early to tell how she is doing developmentally so please continue to pray for her and us as well. We know God has a special plan for this little girl or she wouldn’t be with us today. Bless You All.

Anna Jane Update 82 Days Old

SHE IS HOME!! We got the phone call yesterday actually. The doctor told us we could come get her whenever we were ready and we were definitely ready. I was so excited when I got off the phone with him that I could hardly contain myself only to get another phone call 5 minutes later saying that we were going to have to wait one more day because she hadn’t had her eye exam. I was so disappointed. We managed to keep ourselves busy to make the time go by fast, but this morning was the worst. I woke up at 6am, I was up before Nate and Abbie which NEVER HAPPENS. So I decided to go ahead and get myself dressed. Abbie woke up and I fixed her breakfast. Then Nate. Then Tim. We decided to go to HR Block and file our taxes (Hallelujah!!). I took Abbie to the grocery store and then we waited anxiously for the doctor to call and say “come get your baby”, we waited for about 2 hours when the he finally called and off we went to get her.

The drive to the hospital wasn’t that bad. Going over her discharge paperwork was awful and the drive home was horrible. People in Tennessee forget how to drive when it snows and it was snowing something fierce when we left. What should’ve been a 30 minute drive turned into an hour. But Anna saw everyone we wanted her to. She met her Nana and Papa (Tim’s parents). She saw Aunt Emmie and Unkie Nick. And saw her Grann and Pops. But the best was Nate and Abbie. Abbie said, “that my Baby Anna”. And I was putting a bottle away that I had fed Anna when Nate said, “Anna bottle. Anna, you want bottle o’juice?” it was soooo cute. He would kiss her head and was really sweet with her. I’m glad they love their baby sister and I hope their bond becomes strong and loving.