Monday, December 14, 2009

To My Andrew...

I know you were a boy. I know it in my heart. You weren't old enough for anyone else to know, but I knew. I think about you everyday and I can't but help but wonder what your personality would be like when I see your brother and sister play. They get along so well together and I wonder what it would be like to see all 3 of you playing. I miss you everyday, but somedays are worse than others especially as your due date nears. I had Nate and Abby early and I wonder if you would've made an early appearance as well, that is if I would've been able to carry you at all. I'm sorry that my body gave up. I don't expect you to understand the decision that was made, I don't even understand. I don't understand why my body shut down. I want you to know that I love you and I'll love you forever. I want you to know that I enjoy being here with your brother and sister but knowing that you are waiting for me in heaven gives me something to look forward to. You are my precious angel and I believe that you are truly an angel. I had a dream about you a few days after you were gone, I dreamed that I was sitting on the couch with Nate and Abby and I was holding a baby in my arms. I saw a blue blanket and a baby but I didnt see a face. I know that baby was you and I know it was a promise that I will see you one day. I love you bunches and bunches and I hope that you will visit me in my dreams once again.

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