What I Did Today

Today I put your picture away. I put you in a safe place where you are protected. That's what mom's do and I realized by keeping you out I wasn't protecting the only thing I have of you. I miss you and as your day comes near my mind wonders further away. I watch Nate and Abby play in the floor together and I drift to a day that will never be where you are there playing with them. I was taking Nate to Sissy one day for a playdate and I took Abby along for the ride, in the middle of the drive they both were sitting in their seats, staring at each other, laughing hysterically. I like to think you were in the backseat making them laugh. I hope you know you are never far away from my thoughts when I'm in the floor playing with them. And I hope you hear me when I tell you I love you and Good Night. I hope you listen when I sing you your lullaby. I miss you so much Baby Boo.

Hello Again...

I love to knit. I know that's very random to say, but I do. The one thing I love about knitting is that I can put a project down and pick up where I left off 6 months later. It just waits for me, it sits in my basket day after day watching me live my life. Poor knitting projects. The only problem is, is that I don't know where I left off. I look at it and I have a general idea of where I left off since I've probably knitted the pattern before, but I'm not real sure. I got the Ipod Touch for Christmas and there are a few apps I've downloaded that say they help with these type of things, but apparently the apps don't accommodate one type of pattern I have and unfortunately that's the project I stopped in the middle of 6 months ago. But I will pick it back up and eventually finish it.

Children

As an adult there is a lot I don't understand. As a mother there is a ton I don't understand. I do all I can to protect my children from harm and I spend as much time with them as I possibly can. This does mean that some chores don't get done, but they are only little for a short time. I love spending time with them. Hugging them, kissing them, tickling their toes, blowing raspberries on their bellies. It's a ton of fun. It hurts my heart when I read about another child going to heaven because of abuse and neglect, especially when caused by the people who are supposed to love them. I hurt so much for their bright and shining spirits. They come into this world not knowing anything and the first thing they learn is pain and hurt. Abby and Nate run to me and daddy when they hurt. They are looking for comfort and kisses. I can't imagine being the one to inflict pain and I can't imagine letting someone else hurt them. I can't imagine a child looking for comfort and kisses and getting thrown or hit because of it. I recently watched a video about a little boy named Peter Connolly, actually I watched about a minute to minute and a half and then I couldn't watch anymore. What I did watch (read rather) I was sick over. The torture that little boy went through... there are no words to describe how terrible awful it is. I only hope he passed away at the beginning so that he didn't feel any of it. Why does God do this? The longer I live the less I understand.

I will cherish every hug, every kiss, every song sang, every 'I love you' said, every scream, every cry, every 'mama', every laugh, every smile, every cuddle, every everything. I will only have open arms when Nate and Abby want to crawl in bed with us. I will having nothing but time when they want to sit down in the floor and play. Nothing but laughs when they step on my feet and it hurts. They will have my full attention whenever they want it.