I'm struggling with how to start this post... Ok. My uncle died and I went to visitation at the funeral home tonight.. But that's not what I want to blog about, but it so happens it was at the funeral home is where what I need to vent about took place.
It seriously amazes me how many people show up at a funeral home when someone passes. . What bothers me though is that those people were more focused on the latest gossip rather than the life we were supposed to be remembering. And what bothers me even more than that is that the latest gossip was apparently me and my unborn child. I have my good days and my bad days. One day I'll be excited about being pregnant and bringing a new baby into the family. And then the next day (especially here recently with my hospitalizations) I'm sad and depressed, wondering how I'm going to manage with 3 babies. I mean I have 2 arms for 2 babies, where am I going to put the 3rd one? It scares me and it's not something I'm ready to talk about with strangers that happen to be family.
I wasn't going to announce it at the funeral home, I wasn't going to mention it, I was going to act like I wasn't developing brains and lungs at this current time... But I couldn't get around it.. As soon as I walked into the funeral home, familiar faces turned around and looked right at the belly. Not at the 2 year old hiding behind his Mom's legs throwing a tantrum. Not the 1 year old who was squirming to get down and crawl, but at my belly. I had a few people whisper in my ear, "so is it true what we hear?" my response... "I don't know. What'd you hear?" and then a Yes from my mouth once they said in a low voice as if it were dirty, "you know? Are you pregnant?". I actually had one family member ask and once confirmed said, "Well, I figured I had to ask since you obviously weren't telling anyone." I glared at her for a moment while filtering my words. I wanted to say, 'it's obvious I wasn't telling anyone huh? maybe because I'm not telling anyone!' But I didn't. I smiled and said "yeah, I like to make people wonder since I still have my figure." She walked away. And I then took my screaming, tantrum throwing 2 year old and my squirmy, and obviously hungry 1 year old home.
Seriously. I've known a month now that I was pregnant and I'm still shocked some days. I think I should be allowed as much time as I need to marinade in this news before I'm given the 3rd degree. Maybe I should just hand out business cards with the url to this blog when someone asks, that way they know and don't have to ask.. but then I'd probably stop blogging and it's a good outlet for me.