Time flies by…

I didn’t realize it’s been over a month since I updated about Anna or my family, things have been hectic with Anna now home and new discoveries regarding my health.

Anna is doing wonderful. She now weighs 8lbs 9oz and is 21in long. I knew she was getting big, but she was only 7lbs and a few ounces last time she was weighed a couple of weeks ago and now she is almost 9lbs. I’m going to look into getting her ears pierced when she reaches 10lbs, but looking at her lobes now I may wait. They are small I want the expert to have more lobe to work with.  We had to have Abbie’s pierced twice because the technician went in crooked on one of her ears. At that time I talked to the manager and we both agreed that it was due to a couple of reasons. 1. Abbie was so small, it might’ve been hard for the tech to get a good hold on to put the earring in straight. 2. Come to find out, the technician was new and probably nervous. 3. She was a baby, and no one wants to hurt a baby. This time, I’m going to let her get a bit bigger than her sister was and request the technician that has been piercing ears longer, pierce her ears.

I was admitted to the hospital… again… a couple of weeks ago. I was having a heart time breathing and had felt very fatigued for a week before. Bubba and Sissy took the kids that weekend and I decided to go on to the hospital and hope it was a quick fix. Hope being the key word. It was revealed that I have chronic congestive heart failure, which we knew I had chf, we just didn’t realize it was chronic. Of course, my blood pressure was high. I was short of breath due to pneumonia, the doctors gave me iv antibotics to ward it off. A nephrologist (kidney doctor) was called since I have Diabetes and other pre-existing conditions. He told me that my creatine level was 2.7 which is bad apparently. He said that I only have 20% kidney function. Kidney failure is 10% or less of your kidney function and you are put on dialysis. And as soon as I get some insurance issues resolved, I will be put on the pancreas/kidney transplant list. It can take 2 – 4 years before a donor can be found, but hopefully I can retain the function I have and maybe not have to reach dialysis before a match can be found. 

It’s quite scary. My energy level on a scale of 1-10 is probably a 2. And that’s not convenient with 3 kids. I give them all I have though. I try to ask as if nothing is wrong, but children know. They are smarter than people think, and I don’t try to underestimate their knowledge. Nate will ask Tim, “is mommie sick?” when I go lay down to take a nap. “No, she’s not sick. Mommie is just tired.”, Tim will reply. And then Nate, with nothing but hope in his voice, hoping he can make Mommie all better, will ask “her need Dr. Pepper? Dr. Pepper make it all better?”. I will usually interject then and tell him, “yes. Dr. Pepper will make me feel all better. Can you help Daddy make me some?”. “Yeah! Come on Daddy!”, he will exclaim. Then they will go to the kitchen and fix me a glass of Diet Dr. P and Nate will carefully and gently bring it to the bed and say, “here Momma”, of course I take a drink and tell him that it made me feel better and I’ll ask him if I can take a nap. He’ll say, “yeah momma, you take nap,” he’ll gently close the door and tell everyone in the living room to “shhhhh, momma seepin”. He is such a sweet boy. Abbie is just as sweet. She will cuddle with me if I’m not feeling good. The couch is my friend and she will be playing, laughing, and bouncing around from room to room, when all of a sudden you realize it’s quiet. I will look in the direction of her room and I see her gigantic eyes peering over the arm of the couch at me. I ask her if she wants to sit with Mommie and she’ll hurry over and climb on the couch and sit beside me for what seems like hours but usually is 20 – 30 minutes.

These are the moments I cherish. This is the reason I blog. I want them to know how much I loved them after I’m gone. I want them to know that it’s the simple things they do that make me happy. They don’t have to be the best at anything to make me proud, they just have to be themselves.

Harder Than I Thought It Would Be…

Blogging that is. The time I do have to blog is when I typically sleep. I love having Anna home. She's growing so much and getting bigger everyday. She is such a joy, Nate and Abbie love having her home. Abbie has named her baby dolls 'Anna'. Nate even went to bed with one of the Anna's tonight. It was real sweet. He had been carrying her around and even asked me to get her blanket earlier because she was cold. He is very loving and nurturing. Abbie is loving, but only when she wants to be. She isn't ever mean though, just indifferent. Tonight we were in the car and Anna started coughing and in a very urgent voice asked, "Anna, you ok? You ok Anna?". She sounded very concerned. Nate holds Anna's hand whenever we are in the car and if we forget to uncover her when we get into the car, he does it. He wants to see her face to make sure she's fine. It's really sweet the way they love on her. This morning I was going to put Anna in her swing and Abbie climbed into it, that did not make Nate happy. He stood up for his baby sister and told Abbie, "get up! That Anna swing! GET UP ABBIE! THAT ANNA'S!" He was sincerely upset that Abbie had taken something from her. He then brought me her bouncy seat and said, "here Anna, you sit here. I play music." (it has a music maker on it). This is only a taste of our everyday life.
As far as Anna's health, well... She's doing really well, but isn't gaining weight as fast as the doctor would like. Abbie had a hard time gaining weight as well and with that we will be having weekly weight checks with Dr. Mag. She had her eyes checked by a specialist at Centennial hospital last week and he said that her retinas looked good and that he would send over his report to Dr. Mag and she would watch for common problems amongst preemies such as crosseyes and then refer me to someone if need be. So it's all in Dr. Mag's hands now. She doesn't sleep through the night, but what newborn does? She does sleep a great deal though. We have to wake her up to feed her, but in the middle of the night is when she wants to be awake and squirm. I find myself laying her down on my chest after I have fed and changed her during the night in order to get some kind of rest. Otherwise, she's grunting and "talking" and getting herself tangled up in blankets which makes her cry. 
In family news... We are moving to Woodbury. Middle of nowhere town, but where my best friend and biggest supporter lives, Emily. We are also closer to family now as well. Moving is a hassle and we don’t anticipate moving for an extremely long time if ever again. Sissy and GaGa (Sissy’s mom) are going to keep the kids for us while we move which is a huge help. We’ve gotten a lot of help which I am thankful for and hopefully we can get all of our furniture and stuff moved in one trip. My mom is coming over on Saturday to help me decorate which excites me. She is the best decorator I know. She should do it professionally to be honest. She has an eye for it so I’m grateful to have her help. Abbie and Anna’s room is extremely girly. I have bought all fairytale pieces. I bought hangings for above their beds. One says ‘the princess sleeps here’ and the other says ‘little princess’. Poor Anna doesn’t get a choice of which one she likes, she gets the one Abbie didn’t like as much. Abbie also picked out her bedding and it is too sweet. It has a castle on it and fits in perfectly with the theme.
Nate is just glad to have his own room. He’s not really into the decorating, he just wants his ‘video games’. So his room is all boy. Going to get wall decals with cars and trucks to make it more his own. Abbie and Nate have shared a room since Abbie’s been born and we decorated neutral with Sesame Street theme, but this time they are able to pick out the décor for their rooms. Abbie got into it wanting everything pink and purple with princesses, castles, flowers, and butterflies. Nate, as I said, was ‘eh. whatever.’ They love the house and are ready to move their toys over. I’m ready to move furniture in just to absorb the noise. Everything echoes and I talk loud anyway and you add tv and kids to that and you have a hot mess.
I want to thank everyone who continues to pray for Anna. Physically, she is doing very well. It’s too early to tell how she is doing developmentally so please continue to pray for her and us as well. We know God has a special plan for this little girl or she wouldn’t be with us today. Bless You All.

Anna Jane Update 82 Days Old

SHE IS HOME!! We got the phone call yesterday actually. The doctor told us we could come get her whenever we were ready and we were definitely ready. I was so excited when I got off the phone with him that I could hardly contain myself only to get another phone call 5 minutes later saying that we were going to have to wait one more day because she hadn’t had her eye exam. I was so disappointed. We managed to keep ourselves busy to make the time go by fast, but this morning was the worst. I woke up at 6am, I was up before Nate and Abbie which NEVER HAPPENS. So I decided to go ahead and get myself dressed. Abbie woke up and I fixed her breakfast. Then Nate. Then Tim. We decided to go to HR Block and file our taxes (Hallelujah!!). I took Abbie to the grocery store and then we waited anxiously for the doctor to call and say “come get your baby”, we waited for about 2 hours when the he finally called and off we went to get her.

The drive to the hospital wasn’t that bad. Going over her discharge paperwork was awful and the drive home was horrible. People in Tennessee forget how to drive when it snows and it was snowing something fierce when we left. What should’ve been a 30 minute drive turned into an hour. But Anna saw everyone we wanted her to. She met her Nana and Papa (Tim’s parents). She saw Aunt Emmie and Unkie Nick. And saw her Grann and Pops. But the best was Nate and Abbie. Abbie said, “that my Baby Anna”. And I was putting a bottle away that I had fed Anna when Nate said, “Anna bottle. Anna, you want bottle o’juice?” it was soooo cute. He would kiss her head and was really sweet with her. I’m glad they love their baby sister and I hope their bond becomes strong and loving.

Update on Anna 2 months old

I know I haven't updated on Anna in a while, but we were at a stand still there for a while and I haven't felt well. I'm better now and hopefully my health will improve and Anna is doing amazingly well. She is no longer on oxygen and weighs 4lbs 13oz. She is taking most of her feedings by bottle and is holding her body temperature well. She has been moved from an incubator to an open crib. All of her nurses are amazed at how well she is doing and I, of course, am extremely proud of my little girl for fighting so hard. We got the news yesterday that she should be ready to go home within the week. It was so sweet to hear. You wait so long to hear that your baby can go home and when those words came out of her mouth, I was speechless. Now all I can do is think about everything we need to get and prepare before she gets home. I'm so thankful that God has answered our prayers and shown us his miracles through Anna. He continues to bless us everyday with her life. 

And while my baby girl is an angel on earth, there is another family with an angel in heaven who I'm asking prayers for. I didn't know Korley Davis in any way, shape, or form except for reading articles about her in the local paper and seeing green and yellow ribbons hanging on businesses in Shelbyville, reading signs that said "Pray for Korley". Korley was an exceptional young lady who was waiting for a double lung transplant when she became sick. You can read her story here. Korley passed away Wednesday morning and has left everyone in the community devastated. I have never seen such a small person make such a big impact like she did in Shelbyville. I pray for comfort and understanding for her family and friends and I ask that you pray for her family as well.

That's What Faith Can Do

Update on Anna 54 Days Old

Anna's neighbor in the NICU was recently moved to the step down area of the NICU. He was 9 days older than Anna, but they were born at the same weight and length. I try not to be nosy in the NICU and stare or even read the basic information posted about the baby, but he was across from her for almost 2 months and it became hard not to become attached to him since I saw him everytime I went to see Anna. I would walk by his incubator and tell him "hi", even though he's a baby and doesn't know any better, it was important to me. I would look at his stats and his vapotherm level and would say to myself, "so that's where Anna should be in 9 days". They were neck in neck in stats, vapotherm, and size. And often, Anna's nurse would also be this little boy's nurse. I noticed on Saturday that he wasn't there. I knew that meant he had gotten big enough to be moved to the step down area. The step down area is the area of the NICU that babies are moved to when they weigh 1800 grams (approx. 3lbs 8oz) and can hold their body temperature better. They are placed in a heated open crib rather than the incubator. I was happy for him and his family, but a little sad that he had already moved up and my Anna was still in the back of the NICU with the most critical of babies. But it gave me hope, I thought "so Anna should be moved to the step down area in 9 days". 

But imagine my shock when I call today, only 3 days since the little boy was moved, and found out that Anna has been moved to the step down area. THANK YOU LORD! GOD IS GOOD!!! She is right at 3lbs 8oz and more than that, her nurse gave her a bottle last night and Anna took it like a champ. Her morning nurse gave her one this morning and she did well with it, but was struggling in the end. Definitely a step in the right direction though. Her vapotherm is set at 2 liters 23%. They are exercising her lungs by allowing her to breathe room air for a few minutes at a time and then putting her back on the vapotherm. Anna is going to be home before we know it and I'm so excited. I'm so proud of my little fighter and I thank God for showing me miracles through my baby girl every day. 

Thank you for praying for her and loving her. Please continue to pray for her healing. My 3 babies are truly miracles from God and I'm thankful everyday for them. And I'm thankful for all of my friends and family who have shown love and support and continue to pray for us. God Bless You All!!!

Update on Anna 47 Days Old

I wish I had an update on Anna, but I don't. Things are still the same with her. She has gained some weight, she's up to 2lbs 12oz. But we are waiting on her organs to mature a bit more before we try anything new. I'm o.k. with that as long as I can bring her home... eventually. I hate to admit it, but the longer she's in the hospital, the more she feels like a figment of my imagination. I know she's real, but when I go see her it's like I'm visiting someone else's baby. And I feel like I've dreamed her up when I'm at home. It breaks my heart when reality sets in. And then guilt sets in. I know she's real, I remember the pain all too well... but I'm scared that the time apart is going to make it hard for us to bond. I feel so distant and I don't know how it's going to be when she finally gets home. I'm terrified that I'm going to feel like I'm babysitting rather than taking care of my own child.