My Heart Hurts...

I have been keeping up with a blog for sometime now, even before I decided to start my own. About a family with a little girl named Kayleigh. Kayleigh is a fighter and experienced more in her short life than anyone should. I, as I'm sure her family did, took it one day at a time. Kayleigh passed May 11, 2009. Although I only knew this family through their blog, I felt as if they were my neighbors and my heart breaks for them. They allowed me and so many others to read their story and kept us posted on how Kayleigh was doing. This family has such a faith and strength... I would be so lucky to have half of it. They touched my heart and my life in ways they will never know. I feel that I am a better person for having known their story and I look forward to reading more, if they decide to continue. She is truly a One Pound Miracle and I am better for having known her through her Mom and Dad's words.
Please say a prayer for this family as they try to find comfort, strength, and understanding through this tragic loss.

Happy Mother's Day

We had a good day today. Nate, Abby, and I went to church this morning and gave my step-mom and step-sister their mother's day card. My step-sister's baby daddy is a loser and I wanted her to feel special since it's her day too. I'm not sure if it did any good or not, but it's the thought that counts. Someone sang a song at church that probably made every mother cry. I wish I knew the name of it, it was beautiful. It was about a mother's love for their child. Abby was being passed around before the song started and she started getting antsy when it came on so I took and I started rocking her and within seconds (literally) she was asleep. I thought that was amazing. We have such a strong connection and that proved it. I wanted to hold her and she wanted her mama. No one else. We went out to eat after church (nothing special there).

I was going to take the kiddos to a strawberry field at Valley Home Farms, but we went home and I fell asleep. I slept for 8 hours which I very rarely get and I thoroughly enjoyed it, although I missed on taking them out. I may take them on Wednesday or Thursday. I think they would like it. Abby has a cute strawberry outfit that she'll wear. I get excited when it comes to taking them on field trips, but I've never been to a strawberry field before either. They allow you to pick your own strawberries or you can buy a batch they have already picked. During the fall they have a corn maze for the kids and hay rides. We are going to do that this year too.

I love our field trips. It's so much fun. I think we may even go to the Discovery Center on Saturday too. Tons of Fun this week.

Night Night

I just laid Nate down to go to sleep, since it was of course bedtime and he was falling asleep while I rocked him. But here the last couple of nights he has been screaming bloody murder when Tim or I have put him to bed. I'm not sure what's going on with him. This is part of our routine, he knows this, so I don't understand what the struggle is all about. It breaks my heart to hear him crying, but according to Super Nanny I only need to lead him back into bed when he gets up, otherwise no talking and no going in there unless for emergency purposes or he gets out of bed (as I said before). So I stick with that. He doesn't get out of bed, he lays in his bed and screams. I hope this is a phase.

Now.. Abby on the otherhand, is complete opposite... most of the time. She loves when someone sings to her. So I started singing 'Jesus' loves me' to her and she was drifting off. So I laid her down and turned on her rainforest mobile thing and she was out in 2 seconds.

At least they both didn't give me a hard time. Then I would of definitely had some of my hair stuck between my fingers. They are good about that tho. They are rarely grouchy or cranky at the same time. It's one or the other. Which is definitely appreciated.

Good Times

So, Nate and Abby were assessed on Tuesday. She was a lot more hands on than Ms. Screen. Ms. Screen talked to me rather than watching and playing with the kiddos. This lady, Ms. Chill, was really laid back and took her time with them. She played with Nate and I was impressed by how well she handled Nate's tantrums when she put her awesome toys away. I have to admit, I wanted to play with the toys she brought. And she was rolling around with Abby in the floor. She asked me a few questions, but not as many as Ms. Screen. However, when I asked her when I should expect to find out the results of the assessment, her answer was... "you should receive a call within the next couple of weeks." Thank you Captain Vague.. Can you be a little more specific? She said that she had to type up the report and then send it to Ms. Screen and then they would develop a plan of action and call me. But due to time restraints and other clients it could take a couple of weeks. I swear, Nate will be 3 before they come up with a plan of action. But we will just wait and see.

On a personal note, I went out with some girls on Wednesday night and had a blast. I did drink and I did get drunk (something I haven't done since well before I got pregnant with Nate). It was so much fun tho. I forgot how more outspoken I am with a few in me. One of my girls was there with her boyfriend and he started talking to 2 other girls, which made me not so happy. I looked at B and told her that she had nothing to worry about. They looked like dudes.. Yes, in front of them I said this. They looked at me, but didnt say anything. The b.f. and the 2 girls went outside and one of them told B to hold her purse. Well, I went thru it and I knocked it over the ledge where some guy picked it up and returned it which is where I wish I had asked him to put it back.

Yeah, good times... good times...

PAR-TAY

My brother (Bubba) called today and told me he was graduating from school today. Is it horrible that I don't remember the name of it? Anywho, he has been involved in the criminal justice program for the last 2 years. He's never really committed to something and saw it thru til the end, especially when it comes to school, so I am oh so very proud of him. He graduates June 20th... Abby's birthday is June 21st... Predicament? Nope, we decided to have her party on June 27th instead. We will have a cookout for Bubba on June 20th. I love to plan parties, although I'm bad at it. I love to pick out the cake and the food and look at decorations...
my problem is is that I don't like to spend my money or actually decorate or clean up, pick the cake up, and find space in the fridge for the food.

For Bubba, we'll have the typical food for a cookout, hamburgers and hotdogs, chips, etc... I'm also gonna order him a special graduation cake. He'll like that. And we will all go swimming after the commencement. It'll be a good time.

For Abby's Birthday, we are also going to cookout with a Hawaiian Luau theme. This is such a big deal to me. She was born 10 weeks early and weighed 2lbs 10.25 oz... And I love her so much. I would never tell Tim this, but when she was born, I secretly thought she wouldn't make it. She was so small and fraile, I just didn't see her leaving the NICU. I kept distant from her, I didn't let myself get too attached (of course there was some attachment, she was my daughter), but I prepared myself for the worst each day. I remember once getting a call from a phone # that wasn't listed in my phonebook. I thought it was the hospital telling me she had passed. I remember staring at my phone at 3:30am, debating on whether to answer or not. I did and it was the wrong phone #. I cried of course, but it was more surprising to me that it wasn't the hospital. It took awhile for Abby and I to bond, and I think we may have bonded more in the past month than we have in the past 10 months.

I find myself somedays 'playing' dress up with her. She naps before Nate does, so she's awake when Nate goes to sleep. I'll take her into the bedroom, find some outfits she hasn't worn or that are maybe too big, put her in them, and hold her up to the mirror so that she can admire her beauty. She just smiles and oooos and ahhhhs. She loves it. And then we'll do it again.

We have fun. And then when we are all awake, we play in the floor and watch kid shows. It's fun. Nate likes to help with Sister and Abby absolutely adores her big brother. They are seriously the best in the whole wide world.

So I want her party to be big. It's something, that a year ago, you couldn't convince me was going to happen. I couldn't get past the isolette. The oxygen tank. The cannula. The feeding tube. The IVs. And now, we I look at her there isn't an end to what she can do. I see her Graduation day. Her Prom. Her Wedding. But most importantly, Her First Birthday.

Happy Go Lucky

I was so proud of Nate today. We went to a birthday party for one of my friend's 3 yr old. And it was towards the end after cake and ice cream. I was packing Abby up and getting us ready to go and I looked over at Nate and I saw that he was playing with a basketball. He's so cute playing with a ball. He's cute doing everything. He was bouncing the ball on the floor and anytime it got away from him he would look at it and go "uh oh" and then go chase it. I continued to watch him while I was telling people that we were leaving and I saw a little boy push Nate down and grab the ball. Nate looked in the little boy's direction and he bent his elbows, put his hands up to his shoulders, palms out and said "i'duhno". He then came up to me and said, "oogle boogle todlug moffle fullaffle bluffgruff may", (seriously... that's how he talks). I knew he was telling what had happened. And I just said that I saw what happened and that sometimes other people aren't nice, but that it's ok because he was a more kind person. I told to find something else to play with. He left me and found another ball, that no one else was playing with, and started bouncing it.

It just made me realize that he already has a good of habit of sharing. He doesn't get upset when something is taken away. He's a good little boy.

It was validation that I have taught him well. We've taught him along the way to share with his sister, which is where I think he's learned most of it. He'll be playing with her toys and I'll ask if sister can play with one, and he'll bring the one he is playing with to her. Like he's saying, "I like this one so she will too." He's a very sweet kid. He's always helpful, like when Abby gets fussy because she's hungry... he'll put a paci in her mouth buying us a few seconds without screaming. He's gentle with her, not pushy.

He is just an awesome kid... not saying he's perfect. He does have somethings he refuses to give up and there are times when he throws fits. But for the most part... He's a good kid.

My Little Girl

I bought Abby her first dress when we found out that Abby was definitely a girl. It was so cute, I called it her jellybean dress. I initially wanted to bring her home in it, but.. she was preemie and too small for it when she come home. Well, she is having some growing issues and I brought out the dress today... just to see if it would fit.. and IT DID! I was delighted. I never thought I would see her in it and it fits her perfectly. I decided it is going to be her birthday dress. My mom brought to my attention that it will be the FIRST dress I bought for her that she wears on her FIRST birthday. That excites me.