Tuesday, May 5, 2009


My brother (Bubba) called today and told me he was graduating from school today. Is it horrible that I don't remember the name of it? Anywho, he has been involved in the criminal justice program for the last 2 years. He's never really committed to something and saw it thru til the end, especially when it comes to school, so I am oh so very proud of him. He graduates June 20th... Abby's birthday is June 21st... Predicament? Nope, we decided to have her party on June 27th instead. We will have a cookout for Bubba on June 20th. I love to plan parties, although I'm bad at it. I love to pick out the cake and the food and look at decorations...
my problem is is that I don't like to spend my money or actually decorate or clean up, pick the cake up, and find space in the fridge for the food.

For Bubba, we'll have the typical food for a cookout, hamburgers and hotdogs, chips, etc... I'm also gonna order him a special graduation cake. He'll like that. And we will all go swimming after the commencement. It'll be a good time.

For Abby's Birthday, we are also going to cookout with a Hawaiian Luau theme. This is such a big deal to me. She was born 10 weeks early and weighed 2lbs 10.25 oz... And I love her so much. I would never tell Tim this, but when she was born, I secretly thought she wouldn't make it. She was so small and fraile, I just didn't see her leaving the NICU. I kept distant from her, I didn't let myself get too attached (of course there was some attachment, she was my daughter), but I prepared myself for the worst each day. I remember once getting a call from a phone # that wasn't listed in my phonebook. I thought it was the hospital telling me she had passed. I remember staring at my phone at 3:30am, debating on whether to answer or not. I did and it was the wrong phone #. I cried of course, but it was more surprising to me that it wasn't the hospital. It took awhile for Abby and I to bond, and I think we may have bonded more in the past month than we have in the past 10 months.

I find myself somedays 'playing' dress up with her. She naps before Nate does, so she's awake when Nate goes to sleep. I'll take her into the bedroom, find some outfits she hasn't worn or that are maybe too big, put her in them, and hold her up to the mirror so that she can admire her beauty. She just smiles and oooos and ahhhhs. She loves it. And then we'll do it again.

We have fun. And then when we are all awake, we play in the floor and watch kid shows. It's fun. Nate likes to help with Sister and Abby absolutely adores her big brother. They are seriously the best in the whole wide world.

So I want her party to be big. It's something, that a year ago, you couldn't convince me was going to happen. I couldn't get past the isolette. The oxygen tank. The cannula. The feeding tube. The IVs. And now, we I look at her there isn't an end to what she can do. I see her Graduation day. Her Prom. Her Wedding. But most importantly, Her First Birthday.

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