Wednesday, May 13, 2009

WARNING: Women's functunalities are discussed below...

I am 5 days late as of May 12, which had me worried. I've only been late twice due to Nate and Abby, I'm like clock work. This had me nervous, I can't have another baby. Not right now. Abby is going to be 11 months old on the 21st. Surely to goodness I'm not. As I realized this I woke Tim up (it was like 7am). I told him what was going on and that I wasn't going to be happy until I took a test. And I'm the kind of person who want things done 5 minutes before, so he needed to get up to watch the kids so I could go to the store. Thank goodness we don't live 20 minutes away from the nearest store anymore (which we did when I went to pick up a test to find out if I was pregnant before, which I was.. with Abby). The store is 3 minutes away, which still took too long to get to. I went in, got what I was looking for, paid, and went straight to the icky bathroom at the store (I couldn't wait any longer). I had already waited 20 minutes after realization of how late I was and that was too long.

I peed on the stick and stared at that stupid test for hours. O.k., maybe minutes but gees! I thought we were leading in technology?! Can't they speed up the response time on a pregnancy test?! 2 minutes is too long to wait! It should be 2 seconds! Gaaahhh! And then it said... NOT PREGNANT! YES!!! Thank you... I think... wait... it said, NOT PREGNANT. Oh... ok... but... I'm 5 days late... shouldn't I be prego? I stared at the test and in my head I yelled "YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO CONFIRM MY SUSPICIONS AND SAY 'PREGNANT'! I was a little taken aback by my reactions. First I felt relief and half a split second later I was sad. I mean... It's been advised not to have anymore babies due to the history of prematurity, but what do dr.'s know. And Abby can't even crawl yet so who knows when she'll walk, do I wanna be pregnant while she tries to reach that milestone? She's just now started to do things on her own, do I want another child while trying to catch her up?

I was dreading the call to the dr.'s office, explaining to Dr. Endo that I was going to be sterile but only for 9 months, tops. And calling Dr. Gyno and saying, "oops, I did it again." I could imagine their reactions.. But after finding out that I wasn't, I started wondering why I cared what they would think. There are plenty of dr.s that I'm sure would be happy to have my money. But I wasn't so it didn't matter.

I came home and told Tim. He asked if I was o.k., "yeah, just disappointed." Tim, being my voice of reason, said in a very sincere, calm, and gentle way, "baby, we can't. I can't almost lose you again. And where would we put a baby?" I know he's right. I want to see the 2 babies I have grow up and go to Prom, graduate, get married. I want to meet my grandchildren. And we live in a 3 bedroom house. But me, being me, said, "well, we would be more prepared. The dr.'s would be more prepared. We would know what to expect. And we already have a boy and a girl, and seeing there isn't another gender we could possibly get, one of them would be sharing a room. Hello! bunkbeds!" He chuckled and we talked a little longer and his voice of reason talked to mine, and we need to hurry up and one of us get fixed.

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