After Transplant

My transplant was 10 days ago and I have felt great ever since. I was nervous the day before and cried at everything. Nate gave me a hug at one point and told me that he loved me and I started squalling. It was like that all. day. long. I spent the night with my Mom that night and we rode to the hospital together. I wanted to spend time with her too because we didn't know what would happen. I was torn about what to do and who to spend time with. So I made the best out of the weekend, I lounged around the house with Nate, Abbie, and Anna. We watched movies and did nothing. It was perfect. On the Sunday before, my mom kept the kids. She wanted to spend time with them before the surgery as well. Tim and I went out to eat and spent some time together. Then Monday was just a lazy day. Abbie went to school, Anna and Nate stayed home with me and then we all loaded in the van and went to my Mom's where I said "goodbye" to them and tried to get some sleep. Marlee kept Anna over night and then Nate and Abbie spent the day with their friends, Hayden and Logen. Tim was going to take them over there about 6am Tuesday morning and then head to the hospital.

We arrived at the hospital at 5am and waited for about 30 minutes and then we were taken to the surgical floor where we began prepping for surgery. We were put in the same room and changed into our fashionable hospital gowns and given an IV. I was anxious, I wanted to get it over with. I was ready. It was time and whatever was going to happen, was going to happen. There wasn't anything I could do to change anything at that point. My Mom was scared, nervous, and anxious as well. I was scared for her. There were a lot of mixed emotions. We were both scared for each other, but at the same time, I knew she wouldn't have it any other way. Her surgery was to start at 7:30am and mine was to start at 9:30am. She said goodbye to me and they wheeled her away. I took a deep breath and silently prayed for God to take care of her and keep her safe.

My dad was the first to arrive as far as visitors. He got there about 6:30am and was brought on back to me. I was glad he was there. Tim had texted me and said he was on the way at that point, but he didn't get there til about 7:45am. My Dad held my hand while they put the IV in my hand. He talked to me and tried to get my mind off the pain and oh. my. was there pain. That was the worst part of the whole thing. My Step-Mom came in after that. Then Tim and Emily showed up. I was so glad to see my loving family. I didn't cry at all, I was ready. I had done all my crying the day before and now it was time for positive energy. At 9:30am, on the dot, nurses and doctors came in and gave me anesthesia and I said "goodbye" to them. Gave them all hugs and told them I would see them in a little while. They wheeled me out to the hallway, I told the anesthesiologist that I thought the medicine was working and that's all I remember. I woke up at 2:30pm feeling awesome. I hadn't felt that good since before Nate was born. It was amazing.

Tim was there and I was beaming. I was awake. And I was in too much pain for it to be heaven so I knew I survived. I asked about my Mom and they pulled back our curtains and she was asleep. The nurse told me that she was brought back at about 12:00pm and I was brought back at about 12:30pm. The surgery was successful. They told me that the kidney started working immediately. PRAISE JESUS! I was ecstatic. and hungry. Tim stayed with me for a little while and then he had to go and pick up Nate and Abbie. Anna stayed with Marlee until Wednesday afternoon. My Dad came in when he left and talked with me for awhile. And then Emily came back. Emily went and talked with my Mom for a minute. My aunt and uncle (my Mom's brother and sister) came in to see her. The only thing we were waiting on was a room. It was about 4:30pm and I was hungry so my nurse told me he would order a tray or that I could have one of my family members go get me something so Emily took off to Subway. While she went to get me something to eat, my Dad came back again. He stayed with me until she came back. All the nurses were walking by and staring at me and I figured it was because they were hungry and here I was eating Subway in front of them. I felt bad and put it away until my nurse explained to me that they were staring because they've never seen a patient eat anything a couple of hours after surgery.  They were staring because they were in shock. But I was hungry and I wanted to eat so I did. My Step-Mom stayed in the waiting area until I was taken to my room. I got my room and everyone stayed for a little while longer and then left. I was o.k. with that. I was really tired and wanted to get some sleep.

It was an hour after they left when my cousin Jason arrived. I haven't talked to him in a year or so and I was so very happy to see him. I felt the love that had being pouring out all day long. Not just from Jason, but from everyone... family, friends, strangers, facebook peeps, everyone. I could feel God's presence and it was amazing. God has truly blessed me and I give him all the praise. I thank him everyday for an amazing angel that I call "Momma". For 3 beautiful children. For my blessed life. My testimony is so strong and I don't know how you can know me and my family and not believe in a bigger being than yourself. I have always said that my children are miracles, but looking at it, so am I.

2 Weeks

In exactly 2 weeks I get a kidney transplant. I'm receiving a kidney from my Mom. I have felt a bundle of emotions, but right now in this moment I am scared. I'm not scared of dying. I've never been scared of dying. But I don't want my children to know what it's like not to have a Mom. I don't want them to know that pain. I'm scared for them. In my mind, no one will love them as much as me and no one can take care of them like I can.
It's funny. I keep replaying an episode of "Golden Girls" in my head. It's the one where Sophia answers a newspaper ad for a man seeking woman. And when he (Marvin) comes to meet Sophia, he brings along his "sister". Turns out that the "sister" was Marvin's dying wife and she couldn't die peacefully until she knew that Marvin had someone else which is where Sophia came in. Skip to the end, the wife ends up understanding that Marvin didn't need someone else to take her place and Sophia continues living with the girls. I used to think that was weird, finding a new wife for your husband when your not gone yet. But now I find that I ask myself if I were to die and Tim remarry would "she" be a good replacement. She being anyone I meet in passing, old girlfriends of Tim's, women I've known for years, tv characters, celebrities, any female really. I don't discuss this AT. ALL. but this goes through my mind.
I've got a lot that I want to do with the kids in these 2 weeks. Hopefully we can fit it all in. I'm going to break my back and make sure that we can. And take tons of pictures. TONS.

I Wish...

I wish I could keep this thing up like some of the people who do with their blogs that I follow, but I don't. I rather read other blogs and spend time with my family than write. But tonight, I found myself victim to insomnia and took advantage of the time to update.

I'm officially on the kidney transplant list at Vanderbilt Hospital. I've been approved for a couple of months now and my Mom was approved as a donor for me a few weeks later so we have scheduled transplant surgery for August 14th. I will receive her left kidney. Although this is good news it's also scary news. I'm excited about receiving a kidney in a couple of months, but nervous that something goes wrong and I die? Or my Mom dies? Or we both die? I'm not trying to be negative nancy, I'm trying to prepare myself for anything and everything that could go wrong. What if the kidney doesn't work? What if the kidney she gives me is fine, but the one she has is bad? or goes bad? What if the antirejection medications don't work? what if I reject the antirejection medications?

There is so much that I want my kids to know and I don't know that I can blog about everything before surgery. I want them to know me. I want them to be able to turn to the blog and read what I'm not able to say to them. I want them to know me. Know the things I did when I was a teenager that they better not EVER do. I want them to know that I love them especially when they feel that the entire world is against them. I want them to know that their Dad and I aren't just their parents, but we are human too and understand them better than they think. I want them to know that they won't have any better friends than each other. Regardless of how much they annoy each other, they will always be there. Friends come and go, but family stays by you. Some friends can become like family, I have friends that are more like sisters than they are friends. Lindsey and Amanda.

You will know these women. They are the next best thing to me. They have stories they can tell you about me that you will find funny. They will be able to tell you how much I love you and give you hugs and kisses when you need them. Bubba will have stories for you too. He'll be the one you will call if you find yourself in a situation that you want to get out of, imagine... you're at a party with alcohol and drugs. You want to leave, but the person you came with is nowhere to be found or they are drunk or high or whatever... maybe you just want to leave. Call Bubba. You get drunk and are in jail (NEVER. EVER. DRINK. AND. DRIVE. I WILL HAUUUUUUUNT YOU!!!!) due to public intoxication and made a fool out of yourself in someone's yard and their neighbor called the police, you would call Bubba. You have rearended someone and can't reach your dad... call bubba. You get the picture?? GOOD

I Love You To the Moon and Back <3

Cowboys and Indians

When I was little my grandmother (Grandmomma) kept me and my 2 cousins while our parents worked.I have to mention that my 2 cousins happen to be boys and were the best of friends. We were all the same age, born with in one year of each other. Jason was born in November of 1981, Lance was born in March of 1982, and then I was born in September of 1982. Needless to say, we were always at war with each other and 1 girl against 2 boys... let's just say the odds were against me. I was the tattle tale. If the boys were doing anything they weren't supposed to... I told Grandmomma. ALWAYS.

There was this one time when we were outside and they were running around, chasing each other, playing cowboys and indians. I wanted to play and they weren't letting me... so what did I do? I told Grandmomma and all she had to say was "Y'ALL GO OUTSIDE!! AND LET THAT BABY PLAY!!", that baby being me. So they obliged because the last thing we wanted to do if go inside and watch Grandmomma's shows with her (soap operas). They told me to stand in front of the big tree that was in Grandmomma's front yard. They grabbed a rope and each had one end and started running in opposite directions around the tree. I, not being the sharpest tool in the shed, didn't realize they were tying me to the tree until they were tying the knot in the rope. I was squirming to get out when Lance pulled out a book of matches and they were lighting them and throwing them at my feet. My cousins were trying to set me on fire! It didn't work because the fire would blow out as they threw the matches on the ground. (Thank the Lord) My saving grace was Junior, my aunt's (Lance's Mom) boyfriend came over and made them turn me loose.

There are many stories I could tell of me and my cousins, but this is one of my favorites.

Back In The Day…

I love the song “Dirt Road Anthem” by Jason Aldean. It makes me nostalgic. I was in the car with my mom the other day when it came on the radio and I was taken back to a night that was quite eventful.

I was with 2 of my girlfriends and we went over to another one of our friend’s house for a bonfire. The best things about growing up in a small, southern town are country sides, bonfire parties, and pickup trucks… and the southern gentlemen or as I like to call ‘em… country boys. There were quite a bunch of people there and we were all drinkin’. I think I was 18 or 19. Well, we didn’t know it… but the parents of the guy’s house we were at had called the police. Apparently they said we could have a party, but no alcohol… so when they found out about the alcohol, the police was called. We all were drinkin’ and when the police showed up they pulled 3 or 4 at a time and asked if we had been drinkin’. Those over 21 admitted to it. Those under 21 (myself included) had no choice but to lie. I must not have been believable. The police officer shined his big, bright flashlight in my eyes. All I could think was how mad my mom was going to be. I was praying in my mind, “Please don’t make me call my mom. She will kill me and isn’t that a worse sin than drinking under age?” But all he said was to go home. A couple of our friends that were 21 got arrested. My friend and I hurried out of there and went to her house to watch movies.

We got a call about 2 or 3 in the mornin’. It was those friends that were arrested wanting us to come get them. Hahahahaha… I wasn’t leaving, but my friend did and went and got them and brought them back where we stayed up and watched movies all night. It was scary, but so. much. fun.

That was only one of a ton of nights of fun I had as a teenager.

Christmas with The McKee's

This year's Christmas was by far the best. EVER. I hope to have more like this in the future if not better. The kids had a lot of fun. It's hard to believe that it was one year ago that we were visiting Anna J in the NICU for Christmas. It was so much better to have her home and watch her open her gifts with Nate and Abbie. I was so happy and it felt like my family was complete... completely together. Bubba and my Mom came and watched the kids open their gifts and all. It's a time I wish I could put in a box and hold on to. It was just perfect.

I also got a Christmas gifts this year... Tim and I got married on a whim one thursday morning after discussing getting married a few hours the night before. We had known each other for all of 2 months. Seriously, we met March 17, 2006 and got married May 18, 2006. It's hard to explain, but I just knew he was the one I was going to marry when I met him. He had the most gorgeous blue eyes I had ever seen, which Nate has and my heart melts everytime they both look into mine. Needless to say we didn't have time to buy wedding bands... well, we bought cheap rings for ceremonial purposes... lol... mine had stars on it from Hot Topic and Tim's was from Spencer's with some kind of tribal sign on it. I actually wore mine for quite a while until I got pregnant with Abbie and ballooned up and it didn't fit anymore, then I lost it. Tim's went missing as well. I wish we had them now to laugh at. But for Christmas he gave me a beautiful black and clear diamond wedding band. It's gorgeous.

It was a wonderful Christmas with lots of love and laughter. Can't wait to see what the New Year has to bring.

Really? Another One?

What is it you ask? Another medical problem is the answer. I’ve been going back and forth to the hospital for the past couple of months for nausea and vomiting. I’ve had tons of tests run and even went under surgery for the removal of my gallbladder. I hate surgery. There is a reason why God gave us skin, no one is supposed to be able to look at your insides. The thought of being able to look at organs grosses me out. I’m still not used to the idea of my pd catheter. I mean… there is a tube on the outside of my body that goes to the inside of me. I wonder if you looked down the tube, if you could see my stomach? GROSS! I keep it covered with a bandage for that reason. But nonetheless, my gallbladder was removed in order to remedy the problem. It didn’t work. So after another test I was diagnosed with Gastroparesis. What is it? The nerves in my stomach are damaged from Diabetes so when I eat, the nerves don’t send signal to my brain to kick start the digestive process. My food hangs around until I no longer can take it and then begins the nonstop hell. There is a medicine to help, but wouldn’t you know it… I have an intolerance to it. The doctor has started me on a small dose in hopes that I will learn to tolerate it and then hopefully we can increase it later. Until then? This is my reality… back and forth to the hospital.. So I’m waiting patiently for the symptoms to begin. again. and make another hospital trip. again.

I really need to write everything wrong with me as well as the prescriptions I take, because remembering them isn’t working for me.

On a good note, Vanderbilt transplant team called me the other day and I go on November 22nd for all the testing to make sure I can have a kidney/pancreas transplant. I’m extremely nervous and excited at the same time. I’ll have all the tests done which I’ve heard are less than fun. I’ll meet the surgeon, Dr. Hale (his name is so fitting for my life). Hopefully, everything will come back a. ok. and we can continue with the process of the kidney transplant. <3