Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Seriously! Be Happy!

I'm now in my 6th week of pregnancy if my calculations are right. And so far so good. I am extremely moody (get over it) and I'm getting frequent headaches. But nothing else. Let's hope it stays that way. Tim and I have only told a handful of people besides the people who know on the blog (and if I know you on a personal level, please keep hush hush about my secret).

The reactions of the people we have told face to face have driven me to not tell anyone else, but have people ask if I'm pregnant and answer instead. It seems like the only people who are being supportive are my online/blog friends. And maybe it's because I don't see your faces to see your intial reaction to the news, but I don't appreciate the reactions of the ones that I trusted to be happy for us and have actually reacted poorly. A baby is a blessing. I don't care who you are. And yes there is danger and concern involved, especially since I've had 2 preemies, but that's going to be true in any pregnancy. But do you look at a healthy 25 year old who tells you that they are pregnant and gasp? I never have. But people seem to look at me, a 26 year old with less than perfect health who has given birth to 2 premature babies and I see mouth's drop, I hear disbelief in their voices, and it's only after I say I'm going to do the best I can to make sure my child is healthy (after they ask what I'm gonna do) that I get a Congratulations. My mother in law actually looked at my husband (me beside her) and asked, 'do you think that's a good idea?'. Screw if it's a good idea or not! Too late to think about what kind of idea it's going to be, it's done! My eggo is preggo! But don't worry, I will be getting my tubes tied once Baby Boo is born. Maybe then I'll get a 'Congratulations'.

Everyone has said, you gotta take care of yourself now, how am I not taking care of myself? Do I not follow my dr.'s orders? Do I not do something that I should? My doctor will vouch that I'm doing everything I can to be healthy... pregnant or not. Hell, I'm even taking that stinkin prenatal vitamin that makes me want to puke. There is nothing more or less I can do. I go to my appointments every 3 months, I take all of his suggestions to heart, and I do everything he says to do. Now did he want me to get pregnant, probably not. Especially since he would ask if I was sterile yet at my previous visits. But he will see me through this has he has with Nate and Abby.

I understand everyone's concern and I appreciate it, but let me be concerned. You be happy, I'll be concerned. What's it gonna help if you worry? Nothing, you've only pissed me off with your good intentions. What's it gonna help if your happy? Everything. I feed off what other people think and so far I can't get happy about being pregnant, because no one else is. At least no one that I see on a regular basis.

Don't get me wrong. I'm happy. I'm ecstatic. I wanted another baby, maybe not so soon after Abby, but I'll take what I can get. I'm full of joy I just wish others would share my joy with me.

1 comment:

Mar said...

MAR IS HAPPY! and you see me on a regular basis :D i think its wonderful,screw everyone else that says otherwise!I cant wait to go shopping again :] ANDDD mom said were going to take you to the cheesecake factory again!WOOHOO! She said were ready for another trip ahaha. I love you bunches and im happy for you. I have FULL confidence "baby boo" will be just as perfect as Abby and Nate---thats right! Everyone reading who dissapproves, both her babies are perfect and this one will be too :D i gotcha back! love you<3